Author: Kim Hix
A collection of thoughts, quotes, phrases from my 23 year old daughter Kelsie, who died of Fentanyl poisoning in February 2022 after years of depression, anxiety and substance abuse. These pages are filled with writings found in her journals she kept while in rehab and in her room reading and contemplating life. Kelsie was a beautiful old soul, deeply spiritual, mystical, fascinated with astrology, numerology, crystals and the celestial. Her only downfall was that she did not believe in herself. On February 26, 2022, she took a Xanax, not prescribed to her, from a stranger, that turned out to be Fentanyl, that ended her life, and forever changed mine. When her heart stopped, so did mine. This book is a compilation of her inner thoughts, along with my additional notations on Fentanyl, now considered a weapon of mass destruction, the leading cause of death for ppl 18-45, killing a generation, addiction, and Kelsies life.
I have taken my pain, grief and heartache and turned it into a mission to hopefully help save other lives and families from this same heartache and fate with Kelsie’s Cause, Fentanyl Facts, Truths, Awareness, a 501(3)(c)
Here I would like to attach some of her writings but I see no way to do so. Therefore I will include my notations.
Fact: Fentanyl is more dangerous than other drugs we have seen before. Fentanyl has changed the drug landscape. The prescription opioid epidemic caused high rates of addiction. Although, people that experienced substance use disorder still had time to search out recovery options and potentially survive. Fentanyl is more addictive and is killing faster. Recovery from fentanyl is often not an option. The rate of death from fentanyl is skyrocketing. There is no socio-economic boundary for fentanyl death. All ages and classes are attacked. Hundreds of thousands of pounds of illicitly manufactured fentanyl is imported into the U.S. every year, enough to kill billions of people. Fentanyl has the capabilities of a true weapon of mass destruction, and discussion of this classification in Congress is limited despite the efforts of chemical analysts. Fentanyl, whether pure or deceptively made into other drugs, is killing our family members. Fentanyl is now the #1 cause of death for Americans aged 18 to 45. Over 100,000 people died from in the U.S. between April 2020 and 2021. Fentanyl fatalities increased by almost 50% in 12 months. Teen death is up by 94%. Cartels are taking advantage of our boarder situations and our lack of response to this crisis. Fentanyl is a crisis that should be prioritized to address immediately.(facingfentanylnow.org)
Kelsie had an addiction. She had the gene, unfortunately. Addiction is a disease, not a desire, not a lack of will power, not a lack of education, not a lack of love, not a economical class ranking. Addiction does not discriminate. There was alcohol and drug addiction on her father’s side of the family, that unfortunately was passed onto her dad and her. I have always been open and up front about this, along with the mental health issues. I feel like hiding it, only causes the perception of shame.
Addicts, you might stop liking them, but you don’t stop loving them. I loved Kelsie above everything , every little mess up, every big mess up, nothing tainted my love. I played tough love, kicked her out, took everything away, reported her to the police, turned her in, so many things. When that didn’t work, I did the opposite, love on top of love. She was in rehab 4 times.Three times for 30 days, the last for 3 months. I learned If you’re waiting for the addict to stop the insanity – the guilt trips, the lying, the manipulation, the hurting themselves – it’s not going to happen. It won’t happen, despite your begging, pleading, crying bribes, until they are ready. Not because they don’t want to, not because they love being an addict, not because they love hurting those they love, but because they can’t.
If you love an addict, it will be a long and excruciating road before you realize that there is absolutely nothing you can do. Nothing. You stay up nights to make sure they come home. You check on them while they sleep to make sure they are breathing, you lock up any prescription medications, you lock up valuables that could be pawned. You become just as broken as they are, In a different way, a heartbroken, helpless, lost, hopeless way.
About the Author
Author Name: Kim Hix
Kim Hix, mother of 2, married 30 years, self employed as nutrition and fitness coach, Team Kim Fitness (teamkimfitness.com) my life long passion, Nationally Qualified Figure Competitor, BS psychology Lander University 1989, worked in mental health many years, AD Paralegal studies 1993. My children are my loves, my heart. My firstborn Zack, born with oxygen deprivation resulting in life long mental health issues. Kelsie, my double rainbow baby after 2 miscarriages and the love of my life. I have one self published book, Amazon, No one is Perfect and you are a great Kid, about Zack’s difficulties growing up “different” with mental illness. Born and raised in Columbia, SC to parents still happily married 59 years.
1 Brightleaf ct Simpsonville Sc 29680